If you're a single lady...this message is for you
from Mr Charles Oputa
All the single ladies reading this, chin-up
and give your good self a thumb up.
Nothing doest thou. Last week I had a
father/daughter discussion with my
Princess. I could feel the frustration in her
tone as we spoke about different issues.
When I asked about her boyfriend she
gave me a very long and irritated “Naija
babe” hiss, she aired out her frustrations
with this whole dating business. "Daddy
we are no longer dating." “I’m so very
sorry my love, but what happened I
queried,” very anxious to hear the gist,
cause me and my Princess are just that
close. This is my daughter’s 3rd boyfriend
since she started dating, and she has only
been with him for barely 6months…
"Daddy, please I’m tired, he is not
ambitious, he has no drive, and he is too
laid back for his own good, how can I
marry a man like that? To make matters
worse, he thinks I am overly ambitious,
he says I do way too much – please tell
me how that’s a bad thing.” Hummmmm,
my daughter, my princess my pride and
joy is unhappy.
You see since childhood, my Princess has been
very independent, very focused and
determined - no nonsense kind of ‘chic’, (can
an apple fall too far from its tree). She is
intelligent and extremely hardworking, I mean
what more could a man ask for in a woman?
Quickly, I was thinking of how to calm my
ticked off Princess down. "Darling, you know
daddy will always love you no matter what,
most importantly you know damn too well that
you are not under any pressure to get married.
So be patient, concentrate on your carrier and
yourself my darling, he will come when he
comes, and if he doesn't come, have your
baby, I wouldn't mind another grandchild." Did
I really say that? Oh! Yes I did, and I meant
that.
Single ladies are on the rise these days,
because for a long time coming, there has been
an explosion of male joblessness in Nigeria and
the world over. There has also been a decline
in men's life prospects that have disrupted and
distorted the dating or the "marriage market",
in a way that narrows a marriage minded
woman's options. Today all the Nigerian single
"good" ladies who are desirous to settle down
are at a cross road in their dating life, most of
them are simply tired, a lot are frustrated and
many are giving up. Their options are really
limited; it is mostly between the millions of
Gigolos or the deadbeat, some of who are
pretending that they are waiting for Jesus
before they get it together; those who don't
have ambition burning in their soul. I can't
believe that I told my daughter to go ahead
and have a baby out of wedlock. Well, with the
way things are playing out in our environment,
it is time we embraced new ideas about dating
and marriage. Society’s highest institution
called "Marriage" is fast becoming old
fashioned and outdated. Look around and see
the alarming rate of divorce matters all over
the place, something is definitely wrong my
people. At this rate, falling in love and getting
married will be a question of choice rather
than societal expectation or luck. Frankly
speaking, women have climbed so high in their
independence and career and are doing way
better than the men. Men have been falling
behind with amazing alacrity. Good single
women are so disappointed and it’s
unimaginable, it's like going to a party that has
been the talk of the town for long. You buy
your new dress hoping to show off at the
party, but by the time you land, they tell you
that all the good people have left, and the
ones left are really the servants, their friends
or relatives who have come to scavenge on the
left over food. Believe it or not, that's the
situation today, no kidding.
Since the days of my grandfather, marriage
has been primarily an economic and political
contract between 2 families, prized and policed
by families, relatives and community. That’s
why in my village, they will tell you "no be only
your wife/husband you they marryoooooo"
Things have changed since then, most of our
dates are from facebook, bb chat, online
dating, the hocus-pocus church called
Pentecostals, etc. There is no doubt in my mind
that we are in the midst of an extraordinary
change. The transformation of young
outstanding women, considered marriage
material, is momentous, immensely liberating
and immensely scary for prospective suitors. All
the old ways are breaking down, these days
ladies want to be in-charge of their lives, you
can't blame them. Forget about the days of
being submissive, na for your pocket. Forget
about marriage vows where it says about
obeying your husbands, hummmm joor, they
are not slaves, understanding works better. Do
they need husbands to have babies these
days? Please don't get this twisted, marriage is
divine and sweet when you can not only find a
soul mate, but someone who can inspire you,
respect you, love you, adore your feminity and
independence. They are hard to find oooooo.
My daughter knows that finding a good man is
like finding a needle in a haystack. None the
less, should women feel psychologically
defeated? Hell No! Most men who don't know
what time it is are still locked down with that
old macho bullshit, that it is a Man’s world.
Hummmmm for where, my people, women run
things now, let’s get used to it, abegi, so our
days on earth will be longer joor.
My princess, my baby, my joy, my little big girl
knows that her character, her pedigree, her
background, her ambition, her zeal and
courage will most likely intimidate a lot of men
out there, she realizes that this will further
narrow her pool of prospects, just like she is
also aware that with each passing year she is
getting older and never younger but the
options stay very limited. All I’m trying to say is
this, I tip my hat for all the "good" single ladies
out there, keep the fate, I admire your courage
in not wanting to settle for any trash out there.
If it doesn't fit, trash it, finding a life time
partner is not ‘moimoi’. The world is already
too troubled for you to be in a relationship
that you know will not make you happy.
Women can see these things ahead you know,
that's why they are a special breed of God’s
creation. I have discovered lately that men
need women in their lives to keep them stable,
but if push comes to a shove, women don't
really need men, a case in point, ‘The great
Oprah’. Yes, good men are hard to find, ask
Lady D. Ha!!
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